love is all you need

Sunday afternoon we were all headed back from the Chelsea Piers (where we spotted Richard Belzer,) and on the street next to a pile of garbage I walked past this:

I doubled back and peeked in the bag, "Oh my gosh, it's in pretty good shape! Joey, I want it!"
He reminded me, "But its trash, and trash is gross."
"Yes, its trash, that's why I want to take it. Do you know how much these things cost brand new? I've been wanting one for over a year now..."
Then I had to explain to the other guys what a dressform is. They all convinced me that it was gross and dirty, and it made Aaron start sneezing, and we would have to carry it on the train and to the bar and the 13 or so blocks home.... and so we walked on. I had gone about four steps when I ran back, grabbed the bag and said, "Sorry, I have to have it. I'll carry it and I'll disinfect it when I get home!"

And so I carried my new dressform happily to the train stop, onto the subway, and to the bar, waxing poetic the whole time about how I couldn't believe it was such a great find, and why someone would throw something like this away, and how it probably only ever served its sole purpose to hold clothing, so it couldn't be that disgustingly gross. Josh and Aaron assembled it next to our table once we were inside the bar and we all marveled at how cool it really was.

We continued our usual bar run, complete with games of Jenga and Big Buck Hunter, when a random drunk girl wanted to get in on Joey and Aaron's game of pool. Aaron got stuck playing with her and he kept coming over to our table telling us how drunk she was, that she couldn't even hit the ball without trying three times. I overheard her talking about her friend who had "fallen asleep" on the street outside the bar and how he was supposed to be meeting her there. (Classy!) Then her friend walked past the window and when he saw her he came inside. I watched him stumble drunkenly over to where she was playing pool and talk to her for a little bit. Then he sauntered over by our table, put his arm around my dressform and leaned heavily on it. I turned to him and said, "Hey that's not the bar's it's actually mine, so please don't lean on it, I don't want it to break." And he slurr-mumbled something about "Leaning lightly," and continued to lean on it very drunkenly and threatening to break one of the not-so-sturdy plastic parts of the stand. "Please, dude, you're messing with my stuff. You're gonna break it!" I warned again as Joey walked over, noticing that this guy wouldn't leave after I had asked him nicely. Then the guy noticed that all my friends were watching him closely and he flipped out, saying some crap about how no one in New York can take a joke any more, and I think I said something like, "It's not a joke if you break my stuff," and it ended by all of my guys being on high alert at this drunken idiot gone on a rampage, saying how he wanted to kill himself. His pool-playing friend was even trying to calm him down cause she could even tell through her own drunkenness how idiotic he was being. The stress dissipated quickly after that because the drunk dude left the bar. We actually saw him again later as we were leaving and he was by the bathrooms trying to open a locked bathroom door, and then knocking on it repeatedly while one of our group used the facilities.
So, the morals of the story are this:
1) Don't drink so much that you end up a belligerent fool.
2) One man's trash is another man's treasure.

It does look a little silly when I stretch it out to my measurements, though. (Smallest size on top and almost-largest size on bottom: we can't all be perfect!) But I am completely giddy with my find.